


Road Trip

by Tanaletheia



Series: Living With Your Secret Identity (one shots) [7]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Accidental kidnapping, Batfamily (DCU), Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Kidnapping, Road Trips, not finished
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:55:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26343736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tanaletheia/pseuds/Tanaletheia
Summary: "Ugh. We're going back, right?" Jason asked without lifting his face from the table.Cass shook her head. "No. Doing something together that's not as Waynes or Bats.""Cass," Dick said, "we really should go back for now. We can plan to go away together some other time.""Yeah, when we asked Kate and the others to cover the city for us and so on," Tim added.Cass rolled her eyes at her brothers antics – as if they were the ones being unreasonable. "We're already on the way."
Relationships: Batkids - Relationship, Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne
Series: Living With Your Secret Identity (one shots) [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1289390
Comments: 42
Kudos: 253





	Road Trip

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my drafts for months and I can't think of a second chapter, so we're going to make do with this!

Jason was on his way to the grocery store when a black SUV with tinted windows came to a screeching halt next to him. Before the car had stopped Jason was in a defensive crouch with one hand hovering over his concealed gun, angled towards the door, waiting for it to open.

What he didn't expect was the window rolling down, Cass leaning across from the driver's seat and calling out to him. "Get in. We need to go."

Jason relaxed for only a second before he rushed to the car and got in. This was Cass they were talking about. She never needed help. So if Cass came looking for him... and it was mid-morning to boot. A badass vigilante needing urgent help before noon? Yeah, Jason could already tell this was serious. He noticed Dick sitting in the back seat acting as a barrier between Tim and Damian. They looked as tense as Jason felt.

"Cass, I don't have any of my gear with me, I even forgot my phone at home," he said to their sister.

Cass didn't look away from the road, concentrating on the chaos that came with driving in Gotham in a car instead of on their Batbikes. "We pick up what we need on the way."

Jason nodded. So she probably planned to stop at the cave. Why she had come to collect them all personally instead of calling them was a mystery for another time. He started mentally cataloguing which of his gear he had stored in the cave and what he would need to borrow from Bruce's arsenal.

Jason was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't pay attention to where they were actually going, but apparently Dick did.

"Uhm, Cass?" Dick leaned forward between the front seats. "You missed the turn."

That caught Damian and Tim's attention as well as Jason's. Three pairs of questioning eyes joined Dick's. Cass kept her gaze focused on the road, weaving through traffic. Out of Gotham. "Didn't miss it."

Silence accompanied the staring once more until Tim broke it. "That's not funny, Cass."

"Not supposed to be." She shrugged without looking at either of them.

"Then where–?" Tim started but was silenced by a look from Cass through the rear view mirror.

"Trust me?"

And really, if anyone else had asked the boys would have argued further, but Cass was their only _sister_. And apparently that came with special privileges. Damn, they needed to find a way around that before she made them do something truly stupid. Knowing Cass, she was prepared. She could have picked up everything they needed before picking them up. After all she knew each of their fighting styles and she was the only one who knew what they were up against this time.

The boys settled into a tense silence while Cass drove them out of Gotham's city limits to the tune of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake blaring from the speakers.

* * *

It had been over an hour since they left Gotham and Cass still hadn't told them what they were up against, if anyone else was coming, or when they would be arriving. Dick thought it couldn't possibly be that much longer, or else they would have taken the Batplane.

The close proximity of his brothers meant that Dick had to deal with any potential fights before they were ever verbalised. Or even worse, got physical. He kept a close eye on the kids beside him and distracted them whenever they started giving each other glances by proposing road games. To his dismay that made them ignore him along with each other every time. Jason and Cass in the front seats at least were mostly unproblematic. There had been some brief tension and glaring when Jason decided to put on his own playlist instead of Cass' but she actually started to like the rock music after the first song. Now both of them were singing or humming along and leaving the back seat diplomatics up to Dick. Traitors.

It was almost noon by the time the Wayne children passed the border to Maryland and Cass glanced at her brothers through the mirror. "Food?" she asked with a smile.

Dick heaved a deep sigh. "Yes, please." It was lunchtime after all and he could really use a break from acting as a shield and being ignored in turns. "Are you finally going to tell us where we're going?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

Cass tapped the steering wheel in contemplation. Why she needed to think about filling them in on a mission she recruited them for, Dick didn't know. "Fine. While we eat," she finally relented.

It took another half hour of tense silence before Cass saw a Diner sign she liked enough to pull into the parking lot.

As soon as they were all settled in a booth with sandwiches and milkshakes the boys looked at Cass expectantly, waiting for the long overdue explanation.

Cass kept her gaze firmly on her plate, effectively avoiding their eyes. Dick watched her closely as the tension around the table rose and Cass just kept picking at her food. Jason sought out Dick's gaze, raising his eyebrows in question. Dick shook his head in reply. He had no idea what could get Cass like this either.

Dick focused back on Cass and started talking in a gentle voice. "Cass, where are we going?"

"Ruin the surprise..." she muttered without looking up.

The boys exchanged confused looks. Surprise?

"Cass?" Tim tried for a clarification.

The girl heaved a deep sigh and pushed her plate away. "Orlando."

Dick waited for Cass to elaborate on the mission with details beyond a rough destination. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Tim pull put his tablet and start typing. Jason had his elbow propped on the table, his chin propped on his hand watching Cass carefully and Damian leaned back in his seat, his arms crossed and a frown on his face.

"Who's in Orlando?" Dick asked when it became apparent Cass was done speaking.

Tim looked up from his tablet. "I can't find anything about suspicious activities or major players on the net."

"Tt. They wouldn't be major players if you can find them on the net."

"There isn't anything in Bab's database either," Tim snapped back.

" _Ooookay_ ," Dick interrupted the brewing fight. "Cass, who is in Orlando?"

Cass drummed her fingers on the table, still avoiding eye contact with the brothers. "Mickey Mouse," she murmured.

Silence reigned the booth.

Dick exchanged a baffled look with Jason, who blinked slowly a few times, visibly shook off his confusion, and turned back to Cass. "You want to go to Disneyworld."

Cass finally glanced up from the table and nodded.

Disneyworld. _Disneyworld?_

In the time Dick took to accept Cass' intended destination as having really just been declared a theme park instead of a villain's evil lair, Tim was already starting to argue. "We can't just go to Disneyworld! I have work!"

Dick leveled him with his best big brother look. "To be fair, you were perfectly happy to skip work when you thought it was for a mission."

"Not the point." Tim bristled. "Do you have any idea how far the drive to Florida is? If we had to go at all, we should have gone by plane."

Jason crossed his arms. "Tim's right. We would be driving all of today and tomorrow."

Dick closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose to ward of his growing headache. Even though the thought of being trapped in a moving vehicle with his brothers on the edge of a fight didn't quite appeal to Dick, he didn't actually mind a few days of family vacation. Planned vacation. Planned vacation that he could pack for. Dick opened his eyes and sought out Cass stoic gaze. "Cass, did you even pack enough for all of us?"

His sister – God bless her – held up three credit cards with a smug look.

 _"We pick up what we need on the way."_ That's what she had said after all. The booth filled with the slapping sound of various face palms, one head hitting the table and pained groans. Where would they even start to explain to Cass that a couple credit cards did not in any way substitute _packing_?

"Ugh. We're going back, right?" Jason asked without lifting his face from the table.

Cass shook her head. "No. Doing something together that's not as Waynes or Bats."

"Cass," Dick said, "we really should go back for now. We can plan to go away together some other time."

"Yeah, when we asked Kate and the others to cover the city for us and so on," Tim added.

Cass rolled her eyes at her brothers antics – as if _they_ were the ones being unreasonable. "We're already on the way."

"We barely covered a fraction of the distance, turning around now is the most sensible course of action." Damian decided to weigh in on the discussion. "Why would you want to go to a childish place like Disneyworld in the first place?"

What.

Three incredulous boys and one victorious girl turned to face their youngest brother.

Damian looked between his siblings with furrowed eyebrows. "What?"

Dick sighed and leaned back into his seat. "Eat up, we have a long way to go."

Tim and Jason dutifully started to eat with resigned expressions. Damian didn't like not knowing why they were now apparently going to Disneyworld, but his brothers only stole sideways glances full of pity at him and Cass just smiled.

* * *

"I still don't understand why we are going to that insipid theme park after all."

Jason glanced into the rear view mirror at his scowling little brother. Cass had agreed to sit between Tim and Damian in the back for a while, so Jason had snagged the driver's seat because he _would not_ sit shotgun to Dick's driving. They had only been on the road for a few minutes before Damian started complaining.

"Because. You're twelve and supposed to be excited that you get to skip school to go to Disneyworld," Jason said.

"I could skip school and we can go hunt terrorists or aliens instead of taking part in the consumerism that is going to be the downfall of the masses."

"It's _Disney_." Dick turned in his seat to shoot Damian with a disappointed look. "It's like a fairy tale come to life."

Damian scowled at Dick. "None of the movies you made me watch is an accurate depiction of the cautionary tales they originated from."

"I could get behind a gory fairy tale theme park," Jason interrupted, "Timmy-kins, think WE needs to diversify a little?"

Tim threw Jason an incredulous look. "I'm not going to build you a theme park."

Jason met his eyes with the cutest puppy look that a man taller than six feet who liked shooting people could manage. Cass added her own most pitiful and hurt expression.

Tim's eyes darted between his siblings, probably thinking about the hours they would still be trapped in the same car. He crossed his arms and sank deep into his seat. "But we can talk about the Wayne Foundation's Haunted House this year."

"Yes!" Jason and Cass cried out in unison.

Damian looked between his siblings, not understanding how they always got off topic. "Can we get back to the issue at hand?" he asked. "Let's pretend for a minute that we _have_ to go to Disneyworld – even though it is pointless. Why do we have to drive instead of taking the jet?"

"It's a rite of passage," Jason said and shrugged.

Damian leveled a look at him. "That's the dumbest thing you've said all day."

"Dami!" Dick chastised, half turned in his seat. "Jason's right, it's a cultural thing, long road trips are a bonding activity and it's cheaper than flying."

"We can easily afford to fly though," Damian pointed out.

"I don't see the point in driving either but it's a fun social experiment," Tim said, "We can test how accurate the whole trope really is."

Jason rolled his eyes. "Nerd."

Tim shot his brother an unimpressed look. "And I really want to see who gets into the big fight and tries to hitchhike home."

"Now we're talking." Jason grinned.

"Guys!" Dick interjected. "No one is going to hitchhike home!" He looked between his siblings incredulously.

Jason looked at Dick for a second before he focused back on the road. "I'm sorry, you're right. We'd hot wire a car and drive ourselves."

Jason ignored Dick's sputtered response and turned up the music, effectively ending the conversation.

* * *

Tim had been staring out the window for the last 15 minutes. He watched the trees pass by, the street winding through the forest. There had been a lake a few miles back. Around that time Dick and Jason had been arguing about what music was best for driving until Cass had decided that they would listen to the radio until they made it to the next town. Now silence enveloped the car because reception was awful.

There shouldn't have been a lake at this part of the route. Unless they were not were they were supposed to be, unless Jason took a wrong turn somewhere.

"We're lost," Tim said into the silence.

He could feel his siblings eyes on him but didn't turn away from the window.

"Why?" asked Cass.

"There was a lake a few miles back."

"So?" asked Jason with a look at Tim through the rear view mirror.

Tim finally turned his head to face Jason. "The road we're supposed to be on, isn't anywhere near a lake at the part where we would be by now."

Jason rolled his eyes. "Maybe I'm going faster than you think, Sherlock."

"I didn't even notice us breaking the sound barrier," Tim said flatly.

Dick looked incredulously between Jason and Tim. "We can not be that far off."

"Tt. Well done, Todd. Not only are we on this inane trip, now we're not even going to make it there," Damian spat.

"That's a little extreme, Dami," Dick admonished, "of course we'll make it, maybe it'll take a little longer but–"

"We're not lost!" Jason interrupted. "We're just taking the scenic route."

Tim threw his hands up in frustration. "No, I'm serious. There shouldn't have been a lake that big anywhere near a road around here."

The siblings let that sink in for a few seconds.

"Way to keep up the good mood, Tim," Jason finally broke the silence.

"It's not my fault you can't follow a map," Tim snapped.

"Cass didn't even bring a map," Jason grumbled.

Dick rubbed his temples. "Cass?" he asked.

Cass wouldn't meet his eyes. "Steph said 'drive south there'll be signs'," she finally mumbled.

The silence in the car was palpable. The boys looked to each other for help only to discover they were at a loss, too. A helpless shrug, a shaken head, a silent prayer to whatever deity was listening. Tim seriously considered getting out of there, but he was not going to be the overly dramatic one in this story and hitchhike home. He was _not_.

"I mean," Jason broke the silence, "it's solid advice."

Damian almost hissed at Jason. "It is not 'solid advice', Todd. Those are _not_ appropriate directions."

Jason started to turn around to argue further. Dick decided they didn't need that fight right now and Jason really should keep his eyes on the road, so he interjected his own question and changed the subject. "Why didn't Steph come anyway?"

Cass caught on immediately. She shrugged. "Said she would not be in a car with you guys for two days."

"Ouch." Jason put a hand over his heart but at least he kept his eyes trained on the road. He shrugged, too. "Well, let's just keep going."

"Really. You're just going to keep driving south until you see a sign that says 'Disneyworld'." Tim shook his head.

Jason rolled his eyes at him through the rear view mirror. "It's not like we can figure out where we are exactly without delaying everything even more. This road is going south and it has to end somewhere, so when we get there you can buy a map and plan this whole thing as much as you want."

And that was it. None of them could actually argue with that logic and offer an alternative besides turning around and going home. And if they inherited anything from Bruce it was his stubbornness and refusal to give up on anything he did no matter how bad of an idea it was. As evidenced by the whole vigilante thing.

Damn him for that.

* * *

It had taken hours.

The road they had been on kept going south but didn't cross any others and only led to a small town shortly before the car would have run out of gas.

A lucky break, Dick supposed. He didn't want to think about the kind of fight that would have followed an empty tank in the middle of nowhere. Not that this town looked like anywhere. They drove down the main road and saw the whole town within minutes. The locals stared after the unfamiliar black SUV as it passed by.

"So," Tim said, "Jason and Cass are never again allowed to plan any trip, ever."

"Brown either," Damian added.

Jason rolled his eyes "How about we just never go on a trip together ever again?"

"Finally a good idea, Todd."

"Guys. Relax." Dick tried to calm his brothers. "We made it, didn't we?"

"We don't even know where we are yet," Tim deadpanned.

"Not true," Cass said, pointing at a sign reading _Welcome to Apple Falls_.

"Tt." Damian crossed his arms. "Just knowing the name doesn't mean anything. No one has ever heard about this town before."

By then Jason had parked the car in front of a Diner and opened his door. The townspeople were still staring at the unfamiliar car and Jason called out to the closest person. "Hey!"

The man flinched a little, probably thinking he was about to be beat up for staring or something. Jason had an almost feral grin on his face. "Have you ever heard about Apple Falls?"

Silence fell over the people on the street as they stopped trying to hide their stares and openly gaped. The car's passengers groaned and face palmed, though Cass just let out a bright laugh. Jason kept staring at the man with an inquisitive expression until he nodded hesitantly. Jason turned back to his siblings with a victorious grin.

Dick put his face in his hands and sighed. "Okay. Now that the locals think we're nuts, let's get something to eat and figure out where the hell we are," he muttered.

Not much later they had all stretched out after the hours in the car and were looking over yet another diner menu. And arguing. Because when did this family not find something to fight about. Right now Dick watched Damian and Jason almost come to blows about Jason planning to order a burger. Because meat was murder and Jason questioned Damian's aversion to murder and– Let's just say that they were fighting.

Dick sighed and looked up hoping to catch the waitress' eyes and start ordering for all of them. He didn't get that far.

Their waitress was staring at the TV. And now Dick was, too. Because the amber alert on the screen was for Damian Wayne.

"Holy shit," Dick said as his coffee cup slipped out of his hand and clattered onto the floor, spilling it's content.

That finally got his brothers to stop arguing and look at him and his pale face.

Dick didn't care about them right now. The waitress was frozen on the spot and only moved to glance at their table. Apparently she had already recognized Damian. Shit.

"Fuck."

So Jason had seen the TV, too. Good. Because Dick was not dealing with this alone. How did you even start dealing with the fact that you had apparently kidnapped your own brother without knowing it?

Start at the beginning. Cass had asked Dick to meet him in at the park close to Dami's school. When he'd gotten there Cass and Damian had already been waiting in the SUV. After that they went to pick up Tim and then Jason.

So. Cass had gone to pick up Damian alone. And the damn back road they'd taken to get to this town didn't have reception at all, no one would have been able to call them. But they shouldn't have needed to, right? They were just going to Disneyworld no need to call the cops– except. Whose car _was_ that out there? It wasn't one of Bruce's and it wasn't one of Batman's. Where did Cass get it and if she got a car without asking Bruce for one, did she actually tell him what she was planning? She hadn't told _them_ until they were well under way and turning back would have been a hassle.

Dick let his head fall onto the table with a resounding thump, attracting the attention of every patron of the diner. "Cass?" he mumbled into the table. When she didn't verbally answer he lifted his head enough to meet her eyes. "When you picked up _our brother_ from school, did you tell _Dad_ about it?"

Cass shook her head. "Left him a note."

"Smooth," Jason commented, "You think everyone in here heard that or do you want to repeat that a little louder?"

No help from Jason then. Dick turned pleading eyes towards Tim. But Tim was busy needling Damian about being a lost little kid. Great. And potentially another fatal injury.

Dick looked back out to the car. He took a deep breath as he focused back on his sister. "Cass. Whose car is that out there?"

Cass pursed her lips. "Rental."

"Which credit card did you use?"

Cass furrowed her eyebrows. Jason grinned.

"Cass," Dick pressed, "which card?"

"B's."

Batman's. Kind of. – It was one Bruce used for stuff that shouldn't be traced back to them, some sort of shell corporation. Good. Great. Bruce should be able to trace that. Except. He should have been able to trace that hours ago before he contacted the police. What–

The news cast captured the kids' attention because Bruce was on screen and they were all conditioned to listen for his voice in stressful situations. And there was Dick's answer. Bruce had been in the middle of an interview when Alfred told him Damian hadn't been at school anymore. Awesome. Which meant that the note that Cass probably left in the _cave_ was still left where she put it unread. The day just kept getting better.

The diner door opened with the tingling of a bell. The Sheriff stepped in.

Jason glanced at the man in the door and then turned back to his siblings. "She did it," he hissed while pointing at Cass. Their sister had the gall to look offended when Jason made perfect sense for once in his life.

"Not helping," Dick said instead.

Tim cleared his throat. "I have an idea." This really wasn't the time for dramatic pauses so Dick urged him on with a hand gesture. "Damian ran away to join the circus and we're just trying to take him back."

That could work. Dick nodded thinking about their next steps. They'd just have to get their stories straight before they were questioned. Tell the cops about some fight at home that led Damian to run away and–

"I was taken on this trip against my will," Damian said with a huff and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Of course that was exactly when the Sheriff reached their table.

* * *

They'd been taken in.

Of course they had. Because Damian just had to open his big fat mouth and insinuate that he'd been kidnapped right next to a freaking sheriff.

Tim slid down in his chair with a drawn out groan. His head hurt. And for once it wasn't because of a nasty hit or a lingering concussion.

Well – thinking about it his siblings was the cause of his headaches almost as often as hits to the head. Tim really should go back to being an only-child. Something to look into when he was released from police custody.

 _If_ he was released from police custody.

The door opposite him opened and the sheriff from earlier came in looking completly drained. Since they'd been processed by the one and only Deputy and had then been put in every available room in the building and only one of them was an interrogation room – Jason had actually _demanded_ to be put in that one, but Cass had just walked past him and sat down – Tim guessed the Sheriff came from talking to his siblings. He could sympathise. He was exhausted, too.

The man tried not to slump into the chair opposite Tim but didn't quite manage. "I'm Sheriff Berkman. I'm sure I introduced myself before but it was a bit chaotic."

Tim winced. "I'm sorry."

Berkman perked up at that. "Am I supposed to take that as the start of your confession?"

"What? No." Tim shook his head. "But seeing as I know Jason knows _berk_ means _fool_ I can imagine he laughed you right out of the room."

The answering wince was enough for Tim to know he'd hit the mark. He leaned forward, put his ellbows on the table and rested his chin on his hands.

"Actually," he started, "I'm guessing none of the others talked to you properly at all."

Berkman raised an eyebrow in question, so Tim continued.

"Dick would demand to see the rest of us and refuse to say anything else. Cass doesn't think she did anything wrong so she stared you down, Jason insulted you out of the room and Damian is threatening social services."

Berkman sighed and gave him a wry smile. "Almost. The big guy said he'd _never come up with a better insult than my parents_ and went to sleep and the girl asked for her lawyer. But we're having trouble locating him since she only gave us a first name."

Tim grimaced. "Tell me she didn't."

"Do you know this _Mickey_ 's last name?"

The silence stretched between Tim and Berkman. Tim broke it as he leaned back in his chair.

"Nope. Not a clue."

Tim should have never agreed to this trip.

Berkman didn't seem to believe him but let him get away with it for now.

"At least you seem to be willing to talk at all. Would you like to explain to me how the four of you managed to end up in our lovely little town with a missing kid?"

Tim shook his head but started explaining before the Sheriff despaired.

"Damian isn't technically missing. We're his brothers. And sister."

Berkman still didn't seem inclined to believe him. Tim heaved another exasperated sigh.

"Cass left Bruce a note. Obviously he hadn't found that before he was informed Damian was _missing_." He stooped as low as making air quotes to get his point across.

Berkman huffed. "As if I'd believe something like that. My Deputy is working on contacting the Gotham Police Department and as soon as they know we've caught their kidnapping ring you'll be transfered."

Tim let his head hit the table and pleaded with that instead of the stubborn man opposite.

"Can you please just google us or something? _#Waynekids_ , use that and you'll find pictures of every one of us."

 _Never should have gotten into that car in the first place._ That was a teachable moment right there. Never get into a car with another vigilante if you don't know where you're going.

Lucky for Tim, the Deputy chose that moment to enter and tell Berkman that he'd reached GCPD and Commissioner Gordon wanted to talk to him.

"I want my phone call," interjected Tim.

Berkman frowned at him. "You'll have to wait."

"No. Because I want _that_ phone call." He got confused looks in return and rolled his eyes. "I want to talk to Gordon."

* * *

The conference room was 80 ceiling tiles big. As if they'd planned it to work out exactly like that. Maybe they had. Maybe the architect had been OCD. Jason was bored enough to look it up – if he'd had access to the internet or a library.

Pretending to be asleep had seemed like a good idea at the time. And in the beginning it had been a _great_ idea. Hearing Berkman sputter and seeth had been hilarious and entertaining and all, the problem had only started when the man gave up on Jason and left to try talking to the others.

That left Jason balancing his chair as he tilted it back, counting ceiling tiles and pondering his place in the universe. What a fucking joy.

Finally the door opened again, so Jason let his chair fall back into an upright position.

Berkman came in first, followed by Dick with his arm slung around Damian's shoulders, Cass and Tim came in next and Deputy Dumbass closed the door behind him. The Deputy plugged the phone they'd taken when they put Jason in here back in and dialed, putting the phone on speaker. With a click the call connected.

"Talk to me."

Shit. That was Bruce. And he sounded pissed. Jason looked up to see how they were going to play this.

Dick tapped one finger to his own nose and held Damian's wrist with his other hand shoving the boy's hand onto his nose, too. Jason turned an incredulous look at Tim and Cass only to find they too held a finger to their noses.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Jason hissed at his siblings hoping the phone wouldn't pick it up.

They looked completly unapologetic. Cass shrugged and Damian tried to pry Dick's hand away from his wrist. Apparently the brat hadn't been introduced to Nose Goes yet, a pity, really, that Dick decided to help him out.

"Jason."

Fuck, Bruce had heard him. Here goes nothing. "Cass did it."

That earned him a shoe thrown at his head, but Cass could deal, or talk to Bruce herself.

"I'm not playing the blame game with you right now," came Bruce' strained voice from the speaker. "You all did it. My question is what exactly did you do, and why?"

None of them said anything. There was a lot of mouthing insults at each other and rude gestures thrown around but no one made a sound.

Berkman and his Deputy looked at them as if they were crazy. A fair assessment given that they'd only known them for about two hours.

"I'm waiting," Bruce said calmly.

"We didn't actually do anything bad yet," Jason answered since his siblings were fucking cowards.

There was another beat of silence in which Bruce presumably pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yet?"

"At all," Dick quickly interjected, "and we won't either."

"Anyway," Jason continued, "Cass picked us all up one by one and didn't tell us where we were going, so naturally we thought there was an impending catastrophe."

Tim rolled his eyes and muttered, "Just your average Gotham Tuesday."

Bruce sighed. "And where did she want to go?"

" _Does_ ," Cass insisted.

Jason could imagine Bruce grinding his teeth at that.

"Where _does_ she want to go?" he corrected.

Another round of gestured arguments between the boys was stopped by Damian. "They planned to go to some theme park."

Dick slapped his hand over Damian's mouth. "Not just any theme park. We're going to Disneyworld."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, we _were_ gonna make Cass turn the car around when we found out, but your lack of parenting skills has to be rectified."

The Sheriff chocked on air and the Deputy seemed like he thought he might faint soon. Bruce on the other hand was suspiciously silent.

"Yeah," Jason agreed with Dick, "the little demon had the gull to ask why anyone would want to go to Disneyworld in the first place."

Bruce made a sound that let the kids know they'd won the argument before he continued speaking. "You still should have told me."

Four kids punched the air in victory and one frowned.

They spent a few more minutes explaining to Bruce why they couldn't be reached when he and the GCPD hat been trying to call them while artfully talking around the fact that they had no fucking idea where the hell they were and had been. Bruce didn't exactly believe them but he seemed to be taking a page out of Gordon's _plausible deniability_ -book.

In the end Bruce decided to let them continue their trip but made them promise to fly back. And no more impromptu road trips at all.

As soon as the line went dead Jason couldn't hold back anymore. "If we _were_ playing the blame game I'd say it's B's own fault for not reading Cass' note."

His siblings agreed even if they didn't have the fucking guts to admit it.

* * *

Back in the car. Back to the bickering, the arguing, the fighting.

Tim was riding shotgun since he bought a map and had taken up the responsibility of navigation as Cass drove them further south. Of course that left Dick in the backseat with Jason and Damian and when they'd gotten into the car, Dick didn't think it would turn into a problem. Damian was sat in the middle so he could see out the front – and so that Dick and Jason wouldn't have to squeeze in next to each other – but that also put Damian next to Jason. And Dick kind of missed the Sheriff station's separate rooms right now.

They had already endured a few rounds of _why-are-you-hitting/stabbing-yourself_ that resulted from a round very ill-advised round of road trip games. Better not to get into that whole disaster. And that had been after a few go arounds of blame shifting about their recent stint at the Sheriff's Station. The only one that they had been able to agree carried at least part of the blame was Steph, mostly because she wasn't there to defend herself. But that was also her own fault, so Dick was content to let it stand like that for now and hope his siblings would be done looking for a scape goat when they got back to Gotham. For now there was a different problem that needed a solution. Damian was nodding of and trying especially hard not to in front of his siblings.

"Hey, Tim?" Dick started, "Where did you plan on stopping for the night?"

Tim glanced over his shoulder back at him with an expression that was a little too confused for Dick's taste, given the question was pretty straight forward. He gulped and added, "It's getting pretty late, don't you think? It'll be dark soon."

"Uhhh... of course," Tim said as he turned back to his map with frantic glances and wondering fingers. "Uhm... We do need – sleep? – after all."

"Was that a question?" Dick raised an eyebrow as he watched Tim desperatly look for a motel near the route he had planned. He held the map higher to hide behind it. Dick sighed and turned to Jason. "That was a question, wasn't it?"

Wrong move. Jason had apparently been trying to keep in his laughter and broke out into roaring laughter at the question. Even Damian's lips quirked up into a small smile. At least Cass was focused on the road and Dick could continiously bang his head against the window in peace.

It took Tim another half hour to direct Cass towards the next exit and into a town that was at least double the size of Apple Falls. Tim led them to a decently sized Motel with a neon sign that read _Paradise Inn_ and _Vacancies_. The letters flickered once in a while, but none of them were outright missing, so Dick went inside with some degree of optimism.

The girl at the desk behind the counter looked up from her crossword and smiled. "Welcome to the Paradise Inn, how may I help you?"

Dick opened his mouth to speak but stopped. He turned back to watch out of the window as Jason, Tim and Damian were arguing and Cass sat on the hood of the car watching. "Fuck," he said as he slumped forward landing his elbows on the counter and his face in his hands.

"Excuse me?" the girl said reasonably offended.

Dick freed one of his hands from his face to make a dismissive gesture. "My brothers," he said as if that explained everything. When the silence just stretched Dick looked up at the girl between his remaining fingers. "What is the point of a family road trip in everyone stays in their own room? But I can't double any of them up without supervision! Ohhhh, no! I mean, yes, Cass could _maybe_ help me by keeping an eye on them so any fighting doesn't escalate, but what about all the other stuff they could get up to?!" By now Dick was waving his hands widely and the girl had backed up as far as she could without being too obvious about it. "Everyone always acts like Cass can do no wrong, but she's just as bad as the rest! We're only here because she picked us up and started driving in the first place! Did you know she keeps pretending not to understand English when she's scolded? And it works!" He slammed his hands on the counter, a crazed look in his eyes and panting slightly.

The girl swallowed, glancing to the group outside the office and seemed to come to the same conclusion as Dick. These people could not stay there unsupervised. She glanced at her computer. "I– Maybe– I can–" She took a deep breath. "Give me a second, I think I have a solution."

Hope bloomed in Dick and he was careful not to show it so the girl wouldn't feel guilty when he was ultimatly crushed.

"There!" she said, "Two connected double rooms with a pull-out couch each. It's kind of our family suite."

Dick felt all the weight fall from his shoulders. Well, not _all_ of it, but at least everything that was there because of tonight. The girl held out two keys with gaudy keychains and Dick made to grab them but she snatched them back at the last minute. His face fell as he looked at her feeling completly betrayed.

"I'll just need a credit card and any and all damages your siblings cause _will_ be charged to you."

Dick winced but took out one of the more legitimate credit cards he'd confiscated from Cass when the Sheriff had let them go. "No worries, Bruce wouldn't let any business sit on the cost of their destruction." He half turned to his siblings behind him and mumbled, "Even if he'll make them pay him back somehow."

When he turned back the girl had raised an eyebrow at him and his black credit card. Dick shrugged not knowing what else to say to that. The girl finished the transaction and handed him the keys as her gaze shifted back to the siblings outside.

"Thank you," Dick said turning around to see Damian snapping his teeth when Jason came too close. He'd say the day could only get better but he knew better than to tempt fate.

TBC

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any ideas or wishes for the second chapter put them in the comments or send me a message on my [tumblr](https://batkidsaremadkids.tumblr.com) and I'll see if inspiration comes back to me!  
> Thanks for reading!


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